Keep Children Safe

When is it safe to leave a child home alone?

The following represent minimally acceptable standards for the supervision of children. These guidelines have been developed by social work professionals in collaboration with the community. Remember, they are guidelines only. There may be situations, even within these guidelines, when it is not safe to leave a child unsupervised. Parents are ultimately responsible for making decisions about their child’s safety.

Whenever any child is unsupervised/unattended:

• There must be no emotional, medical, or behavioral problems which affect judgement or decision-making skills
• Child must be comfortable being alone
• Youth must have a safety plan worked out with the parent/caretaker, which includes:
  • How to access parent or other responsible adult at all times (including knowing the parent/caretaker’s whereabouts and having a telephone number where parent can be reached)
  • What to do in case of emergency
  • Guidelines for acceptable behavior
  • Knowledge of emergency telephone numbers
  • Youth must demonstrate the ability to follow the safety plan and to make decisions that reflect concern for personal safety

Age Guidelines:

• 8 years and under: Should not be left alone for any period of time. This may include leaving children unattended in cars, playgrounds, and backyards. The determining consideration would be the dangers in the environment and the ability of the caretaker to intervene.
• 9 to 10 years: Should not be left alone for more than 1½ hours and only during daylight and early evening hours.
• 11 to 12 years: May be left alone for up to 3 hours during daylight hours but not late at night or in circumstances requiring inappropriate responsibility.
• 13 to 15 years: May be left unsupervised more than 3 hours, but not overnight.

1. LEARN THE FACTS

• 1 in 10 children are sexually abused before their 18th birthday. Over 90% of them know their abuser.

2. MINIMIZE OPPORTUNITY

• Decrease the risk of abuse by eliminating or reducing isolated situations.

3. TALK ABOUT IT

• Have age appropriate, open conversations about our bodies, sex, and boundaries.

4. RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS

• Don’t expect obvious signs of abuse. Signs are often there, but you have to know what to look for.

5. REACT RESPONSIBLY

• Understand how to react to risky behavior, boundary violations, or suspicions, and when to make a report.
  Source: Darkness to Light

1. It’s MY Body.

• I am special and my body belongs to me. The private parts of my body are covered by my bathing suit, and no one should touch me there or play games with them.

2. Ask an Adult if I am Safe.

• If I am unsure or feel uncomfortable about a situation, I can ask an adult if I am safe and they will help me. I do not have to make that decision alone.

3. Say “No” and “Get Away!”

• If someone is making me feel uncomfortable or touches me in any way that makes me feel unsafe or tries to make me touch them, I have a right to say “NO” and “GET AWAY!”

4. Tell a Parent or Safe Adult!

• I should always tell my parent or a safe adult if someone makes me feel uncomfortable in any way. If the first adult does not listen to me, I need to keep telling until someone listens and takes action.

5. It’s Never My Fault!

• It is “Never My Fault” if someone touches me in any way that makes me feel unsafe or uncomfortable or asks me to touch them. I am a child, and they are the adult.

DO

Ask open-ended questions to discover children’s knowledge about the event. It will also give you an opportunity to clear up any misinformation.

• What have you heard about this case?
• What would you do if anyone made you uncomfortable or asked you to keep a secret from me?
• HOW can kids help other kids who are being bullied or abused?

LISTEN

Let children lead the discussion. Listen more than you talk, and let them know you value their beliefs and opinions. Ask follow-up questions (“And then?” ) to keep the conversation going.

RECOGNIZE TRUSTED ADULTS

Encourage your child to tell a trusted adult if any issue like that in the news arises. Provide kids with some examples of who to trust, such as yourself or the school counselor.

KEEP

Keep your tone light and conversational to ensure children feel safe to open up.

CHILDREN AGE FIVE AND UNDER

Young children may overhear something about the event and have questions. They simply need to know that the action is bad and is never the fault of the abused child. Then, tell them that if anyone ever touches them in a private place or makes them uncomfortable to tell mommy and daddy immediately.

Between soccer practice, tutoring sessions, and piano lessons, your child is frequently under the care of many different adults. As a parent, you are one of the most important links in the chain of prevention. Below are some proactive questions to help you understand an organization’s prevention measures.

How are employees and volunteers screened?

• Employee screening best practices include an in-depth application, personal and professional references, criminal background check, and an extensive interview.
• After an employee is hired, they should be monitored to ensure they keep in line with all protection policies and do not engage in high-risk behaviors.

Is there a child protection policy?

• Youth-serving organizations should have clearly defined child protection policies.
• Staff should have advanced training for activities such as toileting, diapering, driving with children, and overnight activities.
• The organization should welcome you to visit your child at any time. Make it a habit to drop in unexpectedly.

Does the policy include limiting isolated one-on-one situations?

• There should be separate areas and activities for different age groups. Make it clear that you would always like an adult present with your child.

How do older and younger children interact?

• Older or more powerful youth are perpetrators in at of all sexual abuse incidences. Supervising contact between children and older/bigger youth requires structure and adult supervision.

Source: Darkness to Light

Parents should be aware of what their kids see and hear on the internet, who they meet, and what they share about themselves. Talk with your kids, use tools to protect them, and keep an eye on their activities. Teach your kids safe and responsible online behavior, and monitor their Internet use.

Guidelines for parental supervision:

• Keep the computer in a common area where you can watch and monitor its use, not in individual bedrooms. Monitor any time spent on mobile devices.
• Spend time online together to teach your kids appropriate online behavior. Let them show you what they like to do online.
• Set rules for social networking.
• Establish approved sites and time limits.
• Use online protection tools to manage access to sites.
• Bookmark kids’ favorite sites for easy access.
• Check your credit card and phone bills for unfamiliar account charges.
• Find out what, if any, online protection is offered by your child’s school, after-school center, friends’ homes, or any place where kids could use a computer without your supervision.
• Take your child seriously if he or she reports an uncomfortable online exchange.

Basic guidelines for parents to share with kids for safe online use:

• Follow the family rules, and those set by the Internet service provider.
• Never give out your passwords (other than with parents).
• Keep your privacy settings as high as possible.
• Never post or trade personal pictures.
• Never reveal personal information, such as address, phone number, or school name or location.
• Don’t befriend anyone you do not know.
• Never agree to get together in person with anyone met online without parent approval and/or supervision.
• Never respond to a threatening email, message, post, or text.
• Think carefully about what you say before you post something online.
• Always tell a parent or other trusted adult about any communication or conversation that was scary or hurtful.

Watch for warning signs of a child being targeted by an online predator. These can include:

• Spending long hours online, especially at night
• Phone calls from people you don’t know
• Unsolicited gifts arriving in the mail
• Your child suddenly turning off the computer when you walk into the room
• Withdrawal from family life and reluctance to discuss online activities

Talk to your kids! Keep an open line of communication and make sure that they feel comfortable turning to you when they have problems online.

Sources: Kidshealth.org and netsmartz.org

• Check the background of a potential caregiver through enforcement. Always ask for and check references.
• Ask the person if he or she has ever identified an abused child and gauge their reaction to see if they would minimize or justify abusive behaviors. Ask the person if he or she has ever been accused of abusing a child, and again gauge their reaction.
• Be clear with a potential caregiver about your family rules for safety including physical boundaries, personal and physical care, and discipline. Let them know you are vigilant with regards to safety and that your child knows the safety rules.
• Let child care providers know that you may make unscheduled visits, and then follow through.
• Keep a list of screened babysitters before you need them, so you aren’t rushed to use someone you don’t know well.
• Be wary of someone who is over eager to watch your kids, like offering to babysit for free or offers to babysit just to “give you a break.”
• Bathe and get your child ready for bed before you leave.
• Watch for “grooming behavior” which might include physical horseplay, tickling, kissing, hugging, massaging, and invading child’s space or privacy.
• Set boundaries with simple things like candy or TV time, and consider it a red flag if a babysitter doesn’t respect these boundaries.
• Watch and listen to your child; observe before, during and after time with a caregiver; look for any changes in behavior.

Source: Darkness to Light

Reporting abuse is a responsibility. You can be anonymous, and don’t have to have evidence. It’s seen as a good faith call. Make calls to 703-324-7400.

Listen

Don’t fill in words for the child. If they are having a hard time talking, don’t help with words that you think they are going to say. Don’t ask probing questions. Let them share in their own words.

Tell

• TELL the child that you’re glad they told you and you believe in them.
• “It was not your fault.” Don’t make promises about keeping it confidential or about the future.
• At the end of the conversation – Reassure them that they aren’t in trouble and that it took a lot of courage to share.

Stay Calm

• Don’t express panic and shock. Don’t ask questions..
• Don’t be critical of the offender. Children are protective of people they care about, even if they are being abused.
• Be aware of your feelings about abuse so you won’t project these onto the child.

Report Immediately

• Call police or child protective services immediately. You do not need proof. You can be anonymous. It’s called a good faith report to authorities. Please call (540) 245-5800 ext. 6
• The only necessary information is the child’s name, address and age, parent’s name and address, and the nature of the abuse.